Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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