There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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