the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
