Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
