..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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