you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
