Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
