btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Randomize
