JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
