How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
