dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
