I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
