I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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