Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
