My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
we're so committed to being not committed
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
