Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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