I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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