i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize