he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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