If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
