I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
pray to the hookup gods
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
