Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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