you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
