I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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