After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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