Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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