my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
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