That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
