I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize