Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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