Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
