I saw his package. It spoke to me.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
