Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
