she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
