Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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