lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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