I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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