my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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