I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
