My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
