We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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