it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
