Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I FOUND THE LEGS
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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