i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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