just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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