i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
