Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
