Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
You ruined the universe
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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