I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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