As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
