So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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