eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
