If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
barbara walters just said penis...
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
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You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
How external is "for external use only"?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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