I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
