Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
