he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
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So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
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I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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