Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Randomize
