I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
if only i could text you this smell
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
