I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
