My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
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I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
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Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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