Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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