Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
