My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
